I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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