They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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