Please, let me fuck your mom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
