see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I understand Curling. That high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
