Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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