he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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