Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
