Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
