before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
