im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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