well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
