you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
