absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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