I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize