This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
