I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
