yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
