drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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