Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
