Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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