Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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