don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i will never coherently bang her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
