Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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