theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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