I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
