After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You made out with two different species that night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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