i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
