Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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