My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
