She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
