i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
