Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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