My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
