I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
