Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
