I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
