you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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