The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
