I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
