You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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