the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
