I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
