My first STD was from a foam party
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My feet surprised me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
