The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
