i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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