I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
