i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
