I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
