My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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