Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This baby is an asshole
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
