You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
