This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
