I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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