so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
