Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he puts the penis in happiness.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
