Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize