My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
