im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
