Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
