I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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