Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
