I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
