Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
