Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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