They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
whose parrot is this?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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