So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
