If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
